Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 1daymaybe's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
2:18 pm	its a wednesday Yay I can drink again, no more antibiotics for me just a space and a memory where my wisdom tooth once stood.Was thinking of placing a small gravestone there, the bonus of this is it would make for a good stand-in tooth, and i could decorate it, cherubs and what not, a small verse you know...nice little marble number nothing too over the top, it was only a tooth after all.Ive lost track of what i wrote last cant recall if I have mentioned the extraction or not...(it has just stopped hurting, i can feel the jawbone and for a while it looked like a brain [the inflamed gum that is],i had three roots instead of the regular two [I'm a mutant], and they all thought they were the claw in one of those fairground things where you try to grab a cuddly toy only to be mocked by poor purchase and gravity.This made the process somewhat long .It took ten minutes and I'm sure i felt the assistants hand on my forehead HOLDING ME DOWN while the dentist wrestled with the arrogant little molar). new semester and new topic, am pleased with the film of tanya and she said she liked it so that is all i need to hear. and now for next film...provided we get all the clearance....KARAOKE.OH YEH THAS RIGHT. Wanna follow Fat Stan the karaoke man as well as the hopefulls and see what it is bout this quick fix fame obsessed generation loves about performing; where the love of fame and showmanship originates from asides fromthe beer.If we cant get graphic clearance for lyrics or musc license for the audio we wont be able to show the film in public but it will still be a good element in a show reel. shameless plug.Anyone have some sorta talent they would like me to film and edit as a showreel?or would you be interested in maybe helping in the karaoke film?I have the equipment and know how but would like to practice just let me know it would help me out on cv stuff. There are a few things on my mind at the moment but they aren't in keeping with my chirpy posts of late, suffice to say I am single still but at least there is always uni to stress me more than the latter. but the year is nearly over and like a pet rodent on Ecstacy I'm madferret. Current Mood: hmmmm Current Music: william shatner rocket man (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 10th, 2005
9:37 am	Rip the fucker out I am having my tooth extracted today, cant beleive I am paying £50 plus, to have them take something FROM me...cant they keep the tooth as part payment.Lots of work to do tonite then i can chill, more chapters to come, on the the chronicles of Daren real soon. first three words i read today are salsa private dentist Rearanged i think they could make an intersting scenario or a sitcom.BRING IT ON!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 4th, 2005
9:20 am	I have a whole life fast approaching I have been thinking lately (woah there yeh I know), that after University there is a whole life of stuff out there, so many possibilities as Syra would say "look, stuff, things...nngngh!!", and I am stumped with what to pick,which is a welcome change to my earlier train of thought, where I didnt know what to do because A) I didnt think I could do any of it and 2)I didnt think there was much to choose from. Yes I realise that I followed point A with a numbered point, but I kinda like it. Well guess who got thier dissertation in!! go on guess...he's 5 foot 7 inches tall has a mullet and involved in film (slightly)....NO ITS NOT NASH BRIDGES IT'S ME YOU NIPPLE.Yeh its handed in and I am proud I dont want to look at it for a while, I did take a peek at it recently and found an error in the first paragragh a silly extra word ; "aforementioned sitcoms" when I hadn't bloody mentioned them yet!!! Still if they were to just edit that one word out it will make sense.Sod it its in and its out of my hands bring on the rest of the year. I have to have my nasty tooth extracted it had an argument with the rest of my teeth and the pre-molars have signed a petition and got the backup of the feared dentist law behind them. £50 it will cost and i got these horrible tablets to take which is playing havoc with my drinking schedule,I suppose it was destined to come to this I should have brushed my teeth everynight rather than eat those boiled sweets and rinsing with lemonade. oh well. I need weed!!peace out my wittle beelzebubs.OY NEIL HEELLLOOO (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
2:01 pm	Nearly done dissertation, and am ready for Mark to peruse the first draft......... PS. I AM FFFRRRIIIGGGGGINNNN WIRED ...OH SO WIRED THE CAFFEINE IN MY SYSTEM IS HAVING ITS FUN AND I AM GREATFUL TO IT AND ALL ITS HEADFUCKERY GOODNESS FOR GETTING ME THIS FAR.next thing on the agenda= sleep (Comment on this)
2:15 am	go ahead you can laugh all you want to but thats my philosophy Well wednesday looms as does the dissertation hand in but guess what I'm nearly done just the conclusion to write and mark will check it for me tomorow.I surprised myself didnt think I'd get this much done at this late hour, but I think its do-able. How did I come to be this upto date? I am gonna say its on the cards, coz the reading really put things in a positive light for me, I'm not taking too much to heart, but its all mapped out for me, which is great ...Imean the very fact that there was a future to read.If you bear in mind my temperment a few months ago I am glowing,... well she gave me the whole fortune to come thing and I thought "go on tell me what you know I want to hear ", then all manner of things started adding up to make beleieve in more than this earthbound existence...I will explain just one thing and please dont ruin it for me; whilst giving an accuate assesment of my past she read my palm, knew i loved to sing but am too scared to try, knew about my break up with syra (the card she showed me looked exactly like the dream I described where auntlucy told me to give syra flowers but in vain!), she knew i had depression and that I was thinking of my mother....then mid sentence out of no where she asked "Who is Richard?" he is my brother who died before I was born "because he's here with you in spirit, and he has been for a long time, you can't go wrong with these cards and your brother here" and I found my self beleiving in something, I wept and I felt hope a hope I havent felt before.Truth or an amazing coincidence, I'm taking this with me where ever I go now, if it was not real i dont want to know as I feel I could do most of the things I want to now. Any way hope your all ok if you want something to do on the 11'th of Feb you are all invited to watch me fall down and celebrate hand in on the Tanya project (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
12:51 pm	OOH OOH, LOOK AT profradcoolguy JOURNAL, I'M HAN MOTHERFUCKING SOLO ON HIS LIVE JOURNAL QUIZ... but wait on judes i am a fool and deserve the title of princess leila ...check out my buns (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:35 pm	I'm getting my tarrot reading done today it's my birthday present from Edface and Emma chops, am a bit nervous at the thought of someone looking at my soul and future, what if she thinks I'm not a nice person...meh.Ha ha i rang her and she had to ask my name for the appointment, shouldnt she have known?But yes apparantly i have to come prepared with questions, the trick now is tyo narrow it down "never stop asking questions" is a truism that I have come to live by at the moment, so wish me luck. I get a tape of it afterwards, Ed went to this lady independantly of Emma and the lady knew they were an item and it is her that told Emma to go out with Ed, I've never seen him so happy as I have with Emma.Relationships for me arent important at the moment (cept for my friends and social circle that is), what I'd like to know is how is this year going to work academicly for me, i want the reading to match the way i feel which is hopeful, but i dont wnat to jinx it(watch out Daren your a bit happy recently be careful it might disappear if you breathe to hard). Today i saw a towny trip up and land on his face truly things are looking up gravity= 1 towny=0 (nil points) peace out keep chasing rainbows, (Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
8:08 am	A lot to do and not much time to do it Ray's funeral is this morning, at 11.30, I have decided to attend. I Hopefully it should be a means to an end and maybe I'll feel better and Ray will have one more person there to see him off, I was told only a handfull of people are going, which made me want to go more; Before i was thinking i can't handle it, I'm not sure if I still can, but I hate the idea of a small turn out, my Grandad didnt have many people at his funeral and it was horrid I can't stand that thought, or that memory. Funnily enough (I use that term lightly)the councelling session I'm taking for the whole affair is at the same time as the funeral, but I am gonna cut it a bit short to make it, Alun my boss is gonna give me a lift and Ive got some flowers for the graveside; Didnt know what to write on card as I neer got to know him, so have written "Dear Ray, rest well, your whistle still echoes in our minds and you will always be in my thoughts, god bless ".I've never attended a burial before, I dont know how long the affair is but I'm sure it will seem like a long time. I wasnt going to attend before, as I have a shed load of work at the moment, and the strain has started to manifest itself in my health,(plus the lead up to this funeral hasn't helped), have been given emergency holiday from work (unpaid but I dont care right now), so I have better odds of getting the work done; having a lot of trouble sleeping, but slowly thework is getting there, have written 5000 words, thats half of it but i gotta get another draft in, and have yet to write the intro and conclusion but with this extra time there is still hope, I dont wanna lose the cool "it will come together in the end" attitude I have recently found, think i should have nipped that in the bud by talking to my boss,work has been quite sympathetic and helpful with my work load I thought they wouldnt give a shit but they do which is comforting, I still think that I will seek other employment once this work is done I still find it uncomfortable going to a job where the first thing I think when i enter the door is 'found Ray here', but we'll see how it goes after today. TWO DEADLINES IN THE SPACE OF 2 WEEKS!!! IT'S NOT RIGHT,having spoken to other students I have found that they have less words and more time to write, we are all feeling jipped, but at the same time I did have a long time to do it, c'est la vie.Any way i gotta find my black tie, it's gone for a walk. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
2:04 pm	check out the reflections in my eyes Hello all hope things are well with stuff and doohickeys.I have decide to practice what Ciberia calls 'punctuation'!! It is apparently a good practice (I think it's over rated), and just what a dissertation needs. Yes my life at the moment seems to be managable-sh, there are still issues of course but any one who knows me here and real life knows that without them i would be a vague whisper of a shell of a rumour of a shadow of myself. The world it appears is still turning despite my best efforts to shut myself away I find myself strangely drawn tosocial occasions and people, so hermitism (is that a real word?) obviously isnt for me at this moment. I am slowly tackling things as they come, not sure about my career aspects, the video production industry seems tainted now, but I am sure about wanting a degree. I tricked my self into writing 4000 words on Saturday (and that was on a comedown! Bully for me), then i found out that the limit is 8000- 10,000; im only one and half chapters in and I still have an intro and conclusion to write; this means that i may actually have a dissertation to hand in (shh....dont want to scare it off). Yeh so i looked up at my screen and thought 'wow!' thas a third of the thing right there, and then i deserved a drink. which brings me neatly round to new year; what a new year, I had a legal new year!!!I had a legal new year? Yes Daren you did. But how? Well you sampled some fine herbal highs of an enormous size and stature, which seemed to do the job.Not quite speed not quite hallucagenic and not quite ecstacy, more of a nice blend of all three, and my cheeks (what remains of them) can prove me true. But yes they were fun, and i made it my mission to make friends with every bastard at breakneck, and i think i did quite well; At one point i bought a round consisting of 3 beers 5 tequila slammers 2 redbulls, a cider, a jd and coke and a vodka...ONLY TO FIND THAT EVERYONE WAS LEAVING!!!I had to drink them all, well I didnt 'have to' but it was worth a go...and thats how i made friends, i bought love oh yes.At first it was a struggle to find someone who trusted a gurning fool enough to drink what he offered, eventually i found people who were local and art students and thoroughly bloody nice and recirocated my generousity. What next?life yes and death yes; i am attending the councelling, i understand now that it was not my fault that Ray died, even if i had reported the discrepency early on (the attack was soo massive he wouldnt have come back.I think the issue lies with the fact that it made me aware of my own mortality, i am not gonna live forever but im gonna bloody well try!When i dream of him and the event, its not his face i see but mine and grandads.Anyway this is a downer, to sum up i am attending the funeral on monday to hopefully close this stage of my thoughts, and after that i will go back to the toilet we found him in, i have not been there since, and nor have i evn been on the floor it happend on, it makes me feel sick.Ne way i am trying my best and finding many distractins, i am mainly concerned at the minute with helping Dan get back on track with work, I cant have a sick team member and Dan constitutes half of it. also there is a person now whom I greatly admire but am too scared to approach with the truth about how I feel, I am told that there is something there fr me and the admiration is mutual but I am a fool scared of what may go wrong, but so is she, also I worry that I may have missed my chance, I dont know, i hope that it will become apparent, coz if I make a move and it doesnt work I may lose a friend,and risk the films progres.But honesty is the good policy, i will foind out by direct approach or it will be made clear to me, this much I am sure of. Hooray for attitude , I am trying this new one out and it seems to fit the Daren I have made for me to live in.A hint of apathy, a bit of existentialism (what I think it to be anyway) and a relaxed miasma of drink and smoke AND ABOVE ALL THE FRIENDS i HAVE MADE THESE LAST TWO YEARS.TO ALL OF YOU I THANK YOU.go on admit it I've made a big improvement, well i think i have , sod it i am happy at the moment, thats what counts, regrets are still there but im drowning them out with the above variables. WOW THAT WAS A BIG ENTRY, IF THIS WAS A DISSERTATION ID BE ONTO A WINNER "not even if we were the last people on earth, and it was on fire and i was starving.Not even if you had magical fire extiguisher breath and crisps shot out of your sleeves" Take that, Bernard Black= 1 rest of the world= 0 (Comment on this)
Friday, December 31st, 2004
2:28 pm	just a quick update and some bad spelling, as i am in a cafe at the minute...my net is down ,i needa nerd to fix it all and install my new stuff.well eventful week my birthday was on weds and id like to thank gary and cyberia for coming, sorry bout my silly face, and thanks to everyone who put up with my bad story. yes happy new year to everyone, i have a feeling it will fair well for everyone, and i have a new life and year to experiment with now. tanya gave me some good advice=when u feel down eat ice cream with a fork...the MAGIC is in the fork, it worked for me. at the moment i need a big fucking fork and a truck load of ice cream.today i have to ask my company for counceling to deal with the 28ths events.while locking the building as i usually do i checked the toilets as i usually do locked the doors as i usually do oh and found ray the cleaner dead in the tiolets which i dont usually do.im putting on a brave face at the moment but there is so much more i need to write about this later....so many thoughts, feelings trivialisms. i dnt know exactly i feel numb still, and have decided to get help becauae i dnt want to have this come back in a few years to haunt me. he was blue and as cold as i have ever felt anything to be cold i can still feel his touch on me.i had to carry him and move him and things i have never seen a dead body before and the thing i remember the most is that he looked like grnadad and he always used to whistle a tune that was a secret only to him.enuff of this morbid talk for now.and this is a pre warning that i will be writing about this maybe for some time.fingers crossed any way. EVERYONE HAVE A DRINK AND MAKE NEW TONITE,ITS ALL TOO SHORT PLZ RAISE URE GLASSES AND TOAST TO RAY , THEN ENJOY URESLF AS MUCH AS U CAN. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
2:20 pm	my aunty lucy came to visit again, ive chosen to try ignore this time,but im keeping the map she gave me,im not frightened of her any more,she told me something i already know,but not everyone else does,so i will be vague and just say to those who think it will apply to them; be careful of emotions, a repetition of themes, visiting what you have said before in different curcumstances.the trusting feelings are the most fickle of them all, and they have been sed before, and will be said again.patterns run deeper than we think, they often appear with different faces, but there are patterns nonetheless, roads get covered with leaves every so ofetn but theyve been trod before. dont take your compass for granted as its the thing that wants ure attention, look behind you, answers lie where we arent looking.i found something when i wasnt looking but i darent look to hard at it coz it will become part of the pattern. im trying to capture it in its form independant of the background, i havent labelled it yet, to apply words to quickly would condemn it to death, identifying something would fit it into a slot which it will grow out of as it develops.and develop it will, and control over it is uncertain. in short beware of everything /place that you have been in before, in some different shape or form. but i have a map. i think i will be fine,turns out ive been here before,now i can try the other routes. 24 soon on the 29th not sure what i'll do yet, am open to suggestions, i think i may just stay home, in the hope that others drag me out, i hate organising my own birthday. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 20th, 2004
11:52 am	at last im on holiday,lets i hope i am productive,have almost all my present shopping done except for the one ingrediant, which would be ideal for tanya, but alas i know no where but toys r us or s'oton, that will have them.maybe a book will have to sufice but she does have a lot of books she has t get through.gin and joose is a groggy kinda drink i feel very victortian this morning because of it, wanted to put on my shakespeare outfit but, i get ahead of myself and forget that i dont own one.cd in the post this morning am enjoying the likes of chicks on speed, the pietasters, fugasi, and the new beat; this is music i got in exchange for a few well appreciated sound effects,boom bip,ulrich schnauss,and !!!. i can still feel the gin racing round me vains mum,a bit too comforting for this time of morning, definately not a lone drinking type of substance...ive seen gin lane, thas right the baby hanging from the window the dog too pissed to chase its own tale,you know the one,its famous.will more than likely write here again soon ,i have a master plan and if it works there will be much to write about. i need; sea monkeys new gloovs a nerd the skills of a typist better spelling new gloves to go with my better spelling,(probably a nice green colour) and an edwa prezzy (usually something silly) ps me birthday approacheth and there will be much imbiding of liquer and booze mayabe some mushrooms of the magic kind,but am in need of a venue,unlike mark and jim bob i cant stay in the juke joint shed for 12hrs straight and be comfy emerging like a new species of owl.i need a bit of space and i cant fit many ppl into the shed.bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
10:28 pm	made a collage with the frame of a print i bought for 2 quid, the pic was of a tiger,my parents had the same print, it caught my eye, thought it would bring a bit of home into my room, but i liked filling the frame more.will put close ups on some other time. (Comment on this)
11:15 am	my friend told me recently that 3 out 4 people make up 75% of the population.and u know what i think i believe him (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
1:36 pm	capdown was amazing,had a real good time,although i got I.D.'d for the first time in about a million years,and couldnt get served on account of not having a passport or drivers license; it must be that baby face of mine "wook at hees weetle face", had to get tanya to get them for me, i felt young again, the halcyon days, the hooch, the vomiting,the sheer oh my god of it all.yes went to dog for a few cheeky pints and they were quite cheeky you shouldve heard what they were saying,saw wayne for first time in ages, and he wasnt at all scary and we talked about literature, the world and fishing in icelands.Have to read life of pi, sounds more than good.tanya the lady came to route and she had a good time, which i think she promised herself she wouldnt,and we made merry, then a house party with everyone from the wedge,smoke,beer good company a nice walk home....the only thing missing was some chocolate brownies...i'll ask tanya nicely.i have yet to see if i can trust royal mail, as im waiting for my hard drive,and tanyas sent me a cd in the post, coz its exciting to get mail in the post, and its been such a long time i wonder whats on the cd....hmmm...i made her a cd with rufus wainwrite,!!!,belle and sebastion,jeff buckley,bill bailey and many other songs all themed around the journay our conversations have taken. did you know that in iceland its unlucky to build a house near a boulder!not because of the chance it may roll onto you, but because the fairies will curse you!no?well there you go. it is an exciting time to be alive and finishing uni at the moment, 2 years and a bit have passed so quickly...gotta figure out what to do with the rest of my life after here...but that can wait. word of the week is hippo colour=octarine smell=green taste=fire (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 13th, 2004
11:14 am	naked lunch screwed my brain naked lunch...oh my what a film i sat and watched it with the lovely tanya,(the lady we are gonna make a star),was a good film for conversation, metaphor upon metaphor,the sheer visual of it all the mix of organic and machine has burned a hole in my brain...its difficult not to analyse everything i watch now, simple things like disney seem to have scary undertones now, "homosexuality is the best cover for an agent" so when will and grace came o ...we went mental trying to figure out who was in on the conspiracy..we decided to dismiss will and grace as overboard camp shite in the end, it was easy to do.a smoke some brownies and gin good company and all that made for a good saturday,i remember now why i needed saturdays off, so i could have nights like that!feeling alarmingly positive at the moment,am worried that it could go too soon if i dont ration it though. the other nite in a stuper i helped myself to what i beleived to be a nice glass of shirleys home made apple juice...only to find out half way down that i was drinking the finest used cooking fat in existence,i actually turned green,very festive. gonna see capdown tonite and get intouch with my ska roots, the loverly tanya has put me on the guest list and we gonna drink b4 hand.all is well.busy week ahead we have to change our motivation for the film, now it will be close to citizen kane and micheal moore in our approach as we illustrate how we came to be making a film about tanya in the first place.v exciting.am not sure but think the films going well but i feel that even if it isnt its being fun and at least i got to find someone i value very much in tanya,what a pal,what a player,what am i on about...in short i remember how to talk to people as equels now,something i havent been able to do for a while. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
6:40 pm	have ordered myself new hard drive and stuff, i will now be able to make the films here at home,money isnt as tight as i thought too,work is slowly getting done, i think i found some of me i'd hidden away for a while, still lots to find.was talking to the wise tanya lady of our film and we agree that u can only fix 90% of ureself the rest is for someone else.am keeping it real keeping it lateral at the moment.comedy thas the way forward, i feel that there has been a lot to laugh at recently, and cry too, but laughing feels better.kinda feeling like it will all make sense real soon.im gradually getting in on the joke. meanwhile here is a picture of reading as i remember it.we all bought big eyes, i like this pic coz when i took it it is as though we were all interconnected, no posing was discussed everyone new there place and there was a place for everyone. spk to u soon, u hang up ..no u hang up...u first ...lets go together....no u hang up... (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
1:57 pm	would you look at this i now understand how to put pics in the entry.tomorow the world. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:24 pm	for those of u thinking he dnt spelll goddo i spell the way i doos coz its wotz dine innit,deenteen,breenspreets,andpeend of spreets. also punne is spelt pun apparently sez profrad, i defend myself by saying he is a poo and that terry pratchett spells that way in most discworld novels,so it is a discesque spelling,sorry for calling u a poo dan.meant to say cunt gargler (marks name not mine...i feel dirty for using it tho) peace out remeber how can we tell if fish cry underwater? apart from the lack of glands and ducts that is those were crocodile tears werent they nemo u big liar!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
12:20 pm	am speaking metaphorically,but hypotheticaly,lets methodically take it literally if we swapped answers maybe the quiz would make sense,looking in the mirror i see our face, looking for the questions, too busy to see our hands let go.double take on our image maybe once we looked the same,seeing myself through your eyes i drive you crazy,unlike i thought not quite the same.we dropped the mirror, beautiful shards show our faces,ultimately we are still broken.our palms make peace they fall apart.sure we've met before, we'll meet again. this is a new time to be alive, and i think i'll enjoy it.im holding a party you are all invited and it goes on for the rest of our lives. entrance fee is only a hello, a shake of the hand or a kiss on the cheek. (Comment on this)